i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
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