tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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