trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
