Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
