my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
