I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
