I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
