Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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