I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
