Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
