you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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