Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
