I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
