my soul wont recognize me after tonight
accomplished twins. life is a go
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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