yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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