I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
