I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
now i know why i became what i already was.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
