I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
