nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize