i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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