watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
