just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
