Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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