I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
