So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
