maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
