my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
