Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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