If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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