i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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