started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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