So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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