That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
