I wish I could punch you in the face.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
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I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
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And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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