I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
