The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
