Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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