As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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