Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
