im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
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