i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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