What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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