How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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