have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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