Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
