It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
