Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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