My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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