When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
