There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
