ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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