Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
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