I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
