I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
