Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
