I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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