break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
