Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
