I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
