lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
