I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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