Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize