Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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