Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
