Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
