I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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