R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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