I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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