I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
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Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Come back. Shots need mouths.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.