Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
