She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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