i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
