Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
